and here i am, willingly being vulnerable, for you.
i guess it has come to my realisation that i hate stupidity so much because its a sign of weakness. and anything that is a sign of weakness, i despise. being dependent on someone else for happiness to me, is a sign of weakness. and perhaps thats the biggest reason why i am so afraid of the idea of being attached to someone. i dont want to be weak. and if the people i love get to that stage, i start to detach myself from them, find them irksome because i cannot comprehend why they choose to succumb to weakness.
i am afraid. i wont deny it any longer. and the longer i can run away from it, the better. its just so much easier being alone.
all i will do for this year, is to follow my heart, follow my mind. do what i feel is right, what i wanna do. everything else will follow.
.. thought I’d ever say this, but I am actually feeling quite lethargic being jobless. Feels like I’ve lost the motivation to work on anything because I’m just so uninspired lately. Well, I’m not really working towards nothing, I do have something in the pipeline. But it does feel like I’m just waiting for that, and nothing else..
I always find myself so inspired by creative and interesting people on Youtube, Instagram, and such, but I hardly ever let it carry me far enough. I end up just seemingly living their lives via their platforms, when I really should be putting myself out there.. I want more, yet I feel so reluctant to leave where and what is comfortable.
… or at least I’ll try. I never knew, I never knew, but it’s alright. Everything’s gonna be alright.
I will grab it with both hands, pack up and run away from all my mistakes. All that I’ve done, but specifically, all that I didn’t that perhaps, I should’ve done.